kisah cinta

"you know you are in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dream" - dr seuss

dr seuss or his real name, theodor seuss geisel, was an american writer and cartoonist most famously known for 'the cat in the hat' and 'horton hears a who'.


for somebody who writes children book, he was a very clever man.



baru saya tahu kenapa sekarang saya suka berborak malam-malam dengan en nasir. I AM IN LOVE. which i know sounds funny, sebab dah berapa bulan dah saya berkahwin dengan en nasir. orang kata, "tak pueh-pueh ke mengadap muka dia?"

tapi, saya rasa every second not talking to him or texting him is every second wasted. rasa rugi tak bercakap dengan dia.

plus, we have so many things in common, or maybe we became accustomed to one another that sometimes, we finishes each other's sentences. we laugh at the same silly things. we like to discuss articles that we read in blogs (we are a big fan of TTGB, HilangPunca, TukarTiub). we both love sushi. kami suka dengar hot x fm. and another thing that i really appreciate of him is his liking to reading.

...

tetiba tertengok cerita korea.
rasa nak marah, sebab ada watak suami dalam cerita ni, dah kahwin, ada anak, nak bercerai dengan isteri, sebab ada girlfriend lain.

what the fuck?

memang, saya tak faham perasaan orang yang terbabit. si isteri, si suami, si girlfriend, saya memang tak tahu situasi mereka. semua ada cerita hidup masing-masing. sama mcm rasuah. kita tak tahu apa yang kita akan buat, kalau dioffer 1 juta untuk 'tolong' mereka menang tender.
we might say that this people are irresponsible, tapi, kita tak tahu kisah mereka.

saya harap saya tidak akan berada dalam mana-mana situasi di atas.

...

harap saya dan en nasir kekal bahagia bersama.

classical mom

nak tau betapa classicalnya mak saya?

bila dia tgk tivi, nampak muka jay-z the rapper, dia cakap,

'ni bapak beyonce eh?'



hehe, you are a wonderful mother. tapi, serious, this is classical. nak gelak kuat, tapi terpaksa control, takut mama ingat ema nak ejek mama.

gila (?)

someone had told me that i am being childish, throwing tantrums everytime i do not get things my way.

so?

what is the problem if i acted like a child, quote, sikit-sikit nak mengamuk, macam budak-budak?

for your information (not that anyone is asking), saya bukan minah belia, yang suka bepersatuan, pergi seminar ni, seminar tu, pakai baju batik, kasut tinggi bukan main, jual brooch, konon kau la yang paling ramai koneksyen, paling ramai kawan kerja gomen. tapi bila tanya sape Timbalan Menteri Kewangan, kau jawab Anwar Ibrahim.

saya suka nak jadi budak, yang masih ada angan-angan nak tinggal kat UK, kerja kutip strawberry, kumpul duit kemudian bukak kedai buku di malaysia (sbb malaysia kekurangan kedai buku kecik-kecik yang org boleh relak dan lepak).

saya adalah seorang manusia biasa, yang ada sifat-sifat tersendiri, salah satunya, senang jadi gila.

mama tahu saya gila, nana, fidah, fifi, acik, babah semua tahu saya gila. saya je yang tak tahu diri sendiri gila.



tapi saya dah tahu dah sekarang, fakta itu. saya harap suami saya pon tahu fakta tu. kalau tak boleh terima, saya tak boleh nak ckp apa.

self-loathing

i have always been a cry-baby.

sikit-sikit nak nangis. mama cakap cengeng. kena marah sikit, nangis, menjerit meraung mcm org kena dera. mungkin kesan daripada diri saya yang sungguh sensitif. cepat nak sedih, nak drama fikir diri saya seorang je yang ada masalah. kalau boleh nak mama dengar je cakap saya. dengan adik-adik semua nak marah. sebab fikir diorang adik, apa-apa pon diorang kena ikot cakap, kalau tak ikot, geram, terasa mcm depa tak hormat kita.

bila dh besar, dah masuk asrama, jumpa geng-geng yang best. alhamdulillah, for those five years kat asrama tu, i had fun. sensitif still ada, tapi dh kurang. mana nak ada time nak sensitif-sensitif ni, kalau tiap-tiap hari dok gelak kuat-kuat tak kira masa sampai org menyampahlah dgn kitorang.

masuk upm plak, hidup dh steady sikit. dh takde nak perhatian sangat dr org. mungkin saya masa tu study course yang saya suka, so, takdelah nak layan sangat perasaan sensitif ni, and besides, i am genuinely nice (walaupun org ingat saya garang nak mampos), so saya berkawan dgn semua org. jadi, takdelah masalah sangat. isnin - jumaat, kelas. sabtu ahad balik rumah, lepak. i had a really calm life time ni.

and now, i am married. to a really wonderful person, who like all of us, is no saint.

first of all, let me explain one thing about myself. saya adalah org yang sangat inginkan perhatian.

kalau mengikut Urban Dictionary,
Attention Seeker: someone who engages in crying/fake drunkness/tantrums/telling you they're depresssed but not saying anymore/poking you repeatedly in the hope that you fall in love with them and give them an ego trip. Often found in Drama/Dance/Expressive Arts classes up and down the country. Almost always Female.

not that i-am-an-artist-so-u-better-write-about-me-in-your-paper kind of attention. saya tak suka attention yang celebrate myself. saya malu. saya rasa saya tak layak untuk diraikan. i am just another creation of Allah.

tapi saya maukan perhatian kasih sayang. i need it. i want it. i live for it.

bodohkan? nak perhatian kasih sayang. baik mintak kereta ke, rumah sebuah dua buah ke, komputer mac ke. emas ke, diamond ke.

tapi, betul, biarlah miskin mana pon saya, kalau saya ada lampu genie, saya akan mintak perhatian kasih sayang.

and i would do crazy stupid things just to get it.

jadi, bila saya sudah berkahwin, saya nak perhatian dari suami saya. saya nak. saya nak. saya nak. i might come across as selfish, tapi itu saja yang saya mintak. saya nak kalau saya nangis, suami saya pujuk. bila saya mengamuk, suami saya pujuk. bila saya ada masalah, suami saya tolong dengar.

dan bila saya tak dapat itu semua, saya jadi gile. saya mengamuk. saya menangis.

cuma sekarang, saya dah bukan seorang yang pendendam. dulu ye. saya dendam dengan mama, dengan semua. sekarang, saya dh tua, dh penat. and i know how stupid it is to be resentful. how mentally draining to resent someone else. jadi, saya sudah bukan seorang yang pendendam. tapi masih seorang yang ingin kan perhatian.

saya masih ingat, in the process saya nakkan perhatian ni, ramai dah orang yang saya sayang yang saya dah sakitkan. and they are still here, melayan saya.

alhamdulillah for all of them.

doa untuk tahun 2011: semoga saya dimurahkan rezeki, bahagia selalu, dikurniakan cahaya mata yang sihat-sihat, kesihatan yang bagus serta dikurangkan sifat gile saya.

happy reads

i have always like to read.

(please note that this entry bukan untuk menwar-warkan minat membaca saya)

dalam kereta nak balik kampung, dengan empat orang duduk di bahagian belakang, keadaan sempit mempit.
dalam perhimpunan sekolah, konon-konon mendengar ucapan pengetua.
ketika dalam komuter, pulang dari upm, selepas kelas.
dalam bas untuk ke komuter, pulang dari kelas, nak balik rumah.
tengah melabur dalam bilik air pon, kadang-kadang.

so, you can imagine my enthusiasm and excitement, downloading new malaysian essay 3, in my office, with works need to be finished before 5.15 pm.

berdebar tau tunggu dia siap download. nak buka file pon berdebar. until now, i haven't got the chance to read it. tapi amir muhammad (what a genius) ada tulis gists of the stories here.

ps: will get back to reading as soon as i finished playing cityville. ciao bella.

What a

SNAZZY TEAM!

it has been a while since we felt very very proud of our national football team.
and kita dapat cuti!

anda telah berjaya membuatkan lelaki berpunggung besar seksi, terima kasih.

mencari rumah

currently, en nasir and i are looking for a house.

it is a tough thing to do, finding a house. kena fikir banyak benda. contoh, lokasi. sekarang, we both are working in kl, so finding something that is near kl is good. but, we both know that the price for a house in kl is over the roof for people like us. so, we opt for something near. we are open for options in kajang, rawang, selayang. and we have found severals, cuma sekarang nak kena tengok the real location mcm mana.

another thing to think about is the price. darlings, if price is no object, (imagine marrying a wealthy), i would buy a house not only here in ampang, tapi kat london satu i beli tau. tapi, let us be real. a new house in taman tar would cost you half a million, goddammit. saya sedar diri, saya tak mampu. so, kita kurangkan sikit kepada half a half a million.

kemudian, kita kena fikir jenis kediaman. ada banyak pilihan, condo, banglo, apartment, terrace. kalau kita suka privacy dan suka kemewahan, i think condo would be great. better than apartment, sebab the building will be properly maintained from time to time (kata dah bayar mahal-mahal) tapi memandangkan we want to start a family, we choose to buy a terrace house instead.

then, kena ambik kira size dan layout. besar, kecik sederhana. dua tingkat, satu tingkat. berapa bilik? berapa bilik air? porch besar mana? semua kena sesuai dengan citarasa masing2. kalau boleh, i want a house that i don't have to do alot of renovation in the future, so the layout is important. where is the kitchen? where is the dining room? this two room are the most important for me. keluarga saya suka melepak di dining room. jadi, ini prioriti.


insyallah, tahun depan we would have our own house, yahoo!