bookstock

jumaat lepas, saya mengajak en nasir untuk ke silverfish di bangsar. i thought it would be great to go there as i have never been there before. sebelum ini, saya hanya mendengar/membaca tentang kedai buku ini. daripada apa yang saya dengar/baca, ianya adalah haven for booklover. saya juga mengajak fifi dan ain, as ain pon boleh dikategorikan sebagai booklover. it was a booklover's night out, hehe.

anyway, we found it to be closed that night. tak taulah kalau awal muharam depa cuti ke, atau depa memang tutup awal. how dissapointing! and then, yesterday, en nasir tunjuk saya poster di atas dalam ipod dia.

wow! a bookstock! we have to go! - notice all those exclamation marks. mind you that i acted really unexcitedly about this event depan en nasir. buat-buat tak berminat. yang bestnya, ada silverfish. not only that, ada banyak lagi publisher, bookstores yang best-best. we definitely have to go, right.

anyhow, kalau nak tahu lebih lanjut, klik Bookstock.

angan

I miss being in love.

I miss the whole feeling of talking in the phone at night, sampai tertido. Planning to go on a date, nak bersiap, making sure that I look pretty. I miss the feeling of insecurities, wondering if I am nice enough for him. Saya rindu nak merindu. I miss wondering if the relation would ever go sour.

Saya rindu.
Nak jatuh cinta.
Nak rasa macam orang muda bercinta.

I miss being in love.

boring

I am bored to death. Seriously. Kebosanan yang boleh membawa mati. Never have I felt this bored in my life. I think dengar ceramah time sekolah dulu lagi seronok.

Now I understand people who do crazy things. They are just bored.

fantasies

I am married, I know.

But is it wrong to have fantasies about other man? I know that men who are married do have fantasies about other women. They even go beyond the boundary and act out their dirty fantasies with the other women. Not that I care about their stupid choices anyway, and this entry has got nothing to do with men and their fantasies or women who are now equal as men, in so many level. This entry is about married women having fantasies about other men, for example, brad pitt, or closer-to-home pipiyapong. Or men, in general.

Is it ok, just to have the fantasies, without taking any steps in making the fantasies realities?

This is not specifically sexual fantasies. It is fantasies in general. Maybe drinking coffee, watching movies, riding bikes.

Mungkin ini akibat susah nak tido malam.

hidup sekarang

aktiviti semasa pantang:

1. masak sayur sawi, sedap wo.
2. keluar malam2, jalan2 dengan en nasir, dengan dimarahi mama.
3. tengok aktiviti kucing.
4. mimpi pelik2, menyampah plak.
5. rindu dengan en nasir bile en nasir pergi kerja.
6. menangis ingat perkara2 yang terjadi.
7. pergi kubur.

film-perfect

saya tak sempurna.

i am definitely far from perfect, but i would love to think that those around me are perfect, even if thay have their own flaws.

so, when they act out their imperfections, it really ticks me off.

i know it is a bit selfish, but i would really love it and appreciate it if you can fake it a little, only in front of me, to be perfect. and by perfect, i mean perfections according to me, of course.

two super-perfect people

can we ever be perfect like them? or do we first have to jump in a sea of imperfection and swim around for quite some time?

numb

Tiap-tiap malam, saya jadi emosional. Fikir perkara2 yang menyedihkan. Satu perkara in particular. The lost of my baby boy.

Entah kenapa, bila teringat dia, I became extremely sad, to the point of killing myself. Feeling worthless to keep living. As if there is no good reason for me to move on. No reason for being optimistic.

Walaupun ada beberapa perkara yang indah2 dlm hidup saya ( en nasir, buku2, lagu2, cerita di astro), saya masih berasa kosong. Jiwa saya kosong. Hati saya kosong. Fikiran saya kosong. Tiada perkara, pada ketika ini yang dapat menceriakan hidup saya.

I feel the need to torture myself, by slapping myself in the cheek, and then kicking myself. Kemudian, pukul kepala saya beberapa kali sebelum meneruskan penderaan dengan menembak diri sendiri.

Saya perlu untuk merasa segala seksaan, sebelum saya dapat maafkan diri saya sendiri.

Life is too complicated for me right now. I just need to feel tortured to ever feel again.