harta karun

now i know.

siapa orang yang paling saya sayang.

MAMA, encik nasir, nana, fidah, fifi, acik.


mereka inilah juga yang pernah melihat keadaan saya yang terburuk.

throwing tantrums like nobody's bussiness. screaming my voice out. baling barang, sepak barang. bergaduh mcm nak mkn.

but, they are still here, masih lagi di sini, masih lagi kisah untuk menegur sapa kepada saya. masih kasihan kepada saya. masih di sini.

alhamdulillah kepada tuhan untuk mereka ini.



i am such an idiot. suka nak kecewakan the exact six people that i care so much.

please ema, sila berubah. you are not getting younger, but i hope you are getting wiser.

surat cinta pendek

i love you.

i know you know how much i really do love you. and you have to know how much i hate myself for not saying it emough. i hate myself for being so full of ego that i cant even say that i love you to you.

i am so sorry.

THANK YOU so much for being there, walaupun kita dah kurang bercakap. i remember that we use to talk about the stupidest things, i used to tell you the most insignificant things that had happened in my life, and you would listen. bukan terpaksa, tapi i know you genuinely wanted to know apa yang berlaku dalam hidup ema.

i am so sorry.

i haven't been a great daughther recently. degil kebanyun, bak kata mama. and i hate myself for being degil kebanyun.

demi Allah, i love you.

i hope you will be there to see your granddaughthers nanti. tunggu ye ma.


SELAMAT HARI IBU!

musika

sedang melepak sambil mendengar the kooks.

OMAIGOD. this is heaven.

dh lama tak mendengar lagu, melepak, berehat, semua gara-gara pekerjaan yang memerlukan pengorbanan yang besar, seperti terpaksa bangun pagi pukul 6.15, kemudian tido awal juga (terpaksa, untuk bangun pagi pukul 6.15), pukul 10 mata dah berat, gile mengantok, tulis entri kali ni pon mengantok, sebab dh pukul 11.10.

gile, what have i done? trading this leisure, listening to great relaxing music, for getting up and sleeping early.


shoot.

nak kahwin punya pasal.

tembak jiwa

we give every soul, every drop of our sweat to this one guy.

AKU TAKKAN JEJAK KAKI LAGI KAT RUMAH NI.

no words can describe the way our heart stop for just a second, the world seems silent, our steps feel like they weigh tonnes.

and how your brain keep telling you, you are doomed. nothing can save you from this one.

you are doomed. you are doomed. you are doomed.

man, you are dead.

thousand and thousand of bullets keep aiming at your heart, the very part where you and him lives, and every single one of the bullets, missed, except for one.

and it goes staright, into the thin line. where you and him used to stand on.

apa jadi? segalanya bertukar merah. merah pekat, likat, mcm darah.

memang darah pon.


damn.

kasut i lawa

kita hidup dalam dunia yang tidak sempurna. jadi sesungguhnya tidak semua yang kita mahu kita akan dapat.

contohnya, partner-choosing.

kita nak partner kita rock and roll sampai pancit mcm pete doherty. mata lebam, suara serak, jiwa penuh soul, muka pucat, tapi tak dapat.

kita tukar pulak.

kita nak partner kita kacak hangat mcm brad pitt. muka asimetri sempurna, mata biru laut, badan mcm greek god, tapi tak dapat.

kita tukar lagi.

kita nak partner kita genius-nerd-pandai buat duit mcm bill gates. kaya tapi baik hati, suka menderma, tiap2 tahun jadi org paling kaya dalam dunia, tapi tak dapat.

lagi sekali tukar.

kita nak partner kita sesempurna johnny depp. lakonan dalam siri lanun kelas AAA. ada kugiran, pandai main piano, low profile, penyayang, ini memang takkan dapat.

so nak buat mcm mana? dah 3 kali tukar, tapi semuanya tak best.




maksudnya, kita kena BERSYUKUR. dah, full stop. jangan nak tukar2 mcm katy perry cakap.

buruk, tak comel, degil, ego, annoying, itu semua attirbute. it comes with the guy.

mcm kita nak beli kasut. cantik, lawa, mahal, tapi bile pakai, gile melecet 2 minggu. nak jalan kaki berdarah. nak buat mcm mana.



syukur jelah orang lain envy tengok kasut kita.

the truth about fathers

the truth about fathers.

mereka tidaklah sebagus mana. mereka hanyalah manusia biasa. mereka bukannya superhero yang kita fikirkan selama ini. mereka juga ada perasaan. mereka boleh menangis. mereka juga, tidak dilupakan, have their flaws that we might hate.

contohnya, mereka suka tengok porno.
atau, mereka pemalas bekerja.
atau, tidak mampu mengawal baran.
atau, kedekut.
atau, seorang yang kolot.
atau, ada kekasih sial.
atau, tidak pernah memberi pujian.


fathers, believe or not, are not perfect. like anybody else. they are just plain human. a man who happens to be a father.

but, to all daughthers out there, seburk-buruk mana pon perangai ayah mereka, the fathers will always be the number one man in their heart.


there is a saying, 'old as she was, she still misses her dad sometimes'.

so true, so fucking true.