i have always like to read.
(please note that this entry bukan untuk menwar-warkan minat membaca saya)
dalam kereta nak balik kampung, dengan empat orang duduk di bahagian belakang, keadaan sempit mempit.
dalam perhimpunan sekolah, konon-konon mendengar ucapan pengetua.
ketika dalam komuter, pulang dari upm, selepas kelas.
dalam bas untuk ke komuter, pulang dari kelas, nak balik rumah.
tengah melabur dalam bilik air pon, kadang-kadang.
so, you can imagine my enthusiasm and excitement, downloading new malaysian essay 3, in my office, with works need to be finished before 5.15 pm.
berdebar tau tunggu dia siap download. nak buka file pon berdebar. until now, i haven't got the chance to read it. tapi amir muhammad (what a genius) ada tulis gists of the stories here.
ps: will get back to reading as soon as i finished playing cityville. ciao bella.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
What a
SNAZZY TEAM!
it has been a while since we felt very very proud of our national football team.
and kita dapat cuti!
it has been a while since we felt very very proud of our national football team.
and kita dapat cuti!
anda telah berjaya membuatkan lelaki berpunggung besar seksi, terima kasih.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
mencari rumah
currently, en nasir and i are looking for a house.
it is a tough thing to do, finding a house. kena fikir banyak benda. contoh, lokasi. sekarang, we both are working in kl, so finding something that is near kl is good. but, we both know that the price for a house in kl is over the roof for people like us. so, we opt for something near. we are open for options in kajang, rawang, selayang. and we have found severals, cuma sekarang nak kena tengok the real location mcm mana.
another thing to think about is the price. darlings, if price is no object, (imagine marrying a wealthy), i would buy a house not only here in ampang, tapi kat london satu i beli tau. tapi, let us be real. a new house in taman tar would cost you half a million, goddammit. saya sedar diri, saya tak mampu. so, kita kurangkan sikit kepada half a half a million.
kemudian, kita kena fikir jenis kediaman. ada banyak pilihan, condo, banglo, apartment, terrace. kalau kita suka privacy dan suka kemewahan, i think condo would be great. better than apartment, sebab the building will be properly maintained from time to time (kata dah bayar mahal-mahal) tapi memandangkan we want to start a family, we choose to buy a terrace house instead.
then, kena ambik kira size dan layout. besar, kecik sederhana. dua tingkat, satu tingkat. berapa bilik? berapa bilik air? porch besar mana? semua kena sesuai dengan citarasa masing2. kalau boleh, i want a house that i don't have to do alot of renovation in the future, so the layout is important. where is the kitchen? where is the dining room? this two room are the most important for me. keluarga saya suka melepak di dining room. jadi, ini prioriti.
insyallah, tahun depan we would have our own house, yahoo!
it is a tough thing to do, finding a house. kena fikir banyak benda. contoh, lokasi. sekarang, we both are working in kl, so finding something that is near kl is good. but, we both know that the price for a house in kl is over the roof for people like us. so, we opt for something near. we are open for options in kajang, rawang, selayang. and we have found severals, cuma sekarang nak kena tengok the real location mcm mana.
another thing to think about is the price. darlings, if price is no object, (imagine marrying a wealthy), i would buy a house not only here in ampang, tapi kat london satu i beli tau. tapi, let us be real. a new house in taman tar would cost you half a million, goddammit. saya sedar diri, saya tak mampu. so, kita kurangkan sikit kepada half a half a million.
kemudian, kita kena fikir jenis kediaman. ada banyak pilihan, condo, banglo, apartment, terrace. kalau kita suka privacy dan suka kemewahan, i think condo would be great. better than apartment, sebab the building will be properly maintained from time to time (kata dah bayar mahal-mahal) tapi memandangkan we want to start a family, we choose to buy a terrace house instead.
then, kena ambik kira size dan layout. besar, kecik sederhana. dua tingkat, satu tingkat. berapa bilik? berapa bilik air? porch besar mana? semua kena sesuai dengan citarasa masing2. kalau boleh, i want a house that i don't have to do alot of renovation in the future, so the layout is important. where is the kitchen? where is the dining room? this two room are the most important for me. keluarga saya suka melepak di dining room. jadi, ini prioriti.
insyallah, tahun depan we would have our own house, yahoo!
Monday, December 13, 2010
alhamdulillah
i dreamt of being happily old with my dearest husband.
dulu, when i was a single girl, selepas beberapa sad break up, and thinking to myself, i would never get married; saya ditakdirkan untuk menjadi perempuan single sampai kiamat, dan bertemu dengan jodoh di dunia yang lagi satu, (ok, saya tipu, saya tak pernah tahu yang kita akan bertemu jodoh di dunia yang lagi satu sekiranya kita tak bertemu jodoh di dunia ini), saya tak pernah terfikir samada saya akan bahagia bertemu jodoh atau murung sampai mati. never have i thought about marriage. yang saya tahu, saya cukup dengan hidup saya, tiada boyfriend apatah lagi potential husband.
saya tidak merungut tentang hidup single; saya perlukan untuk hidup single, enjoying life dengan my sisters and friends. saya rasa itu adalah perkara terbaik, membuatkan saya lebih matang.
seriously, those breakups are the best thing that could ever happen in my life.
saya sedar, segala kesedihan, segala jalan cerita saya sebelum ini, hanyalah supaya saya bersedia untuk menjalinkan hubungan dengan en nasir. i would be a great stupid bad-tempered person kalau saya tak menempuh segala suka duka itu.
alhamdulillah, saya harap saya mati bahagia dengan en nasir. with our future children.
insyallah.
dulu, when i was a single girl, selepas beberapa sad break up, and thinking to myself, i would never get married; saya ditakdirkan untuk menjadi perempuan single sampai kiamat, dan bertemu dengan jodoh di dunia yang lagi satu, (ok, saya tipu, saya tak pernah tahu yang kita akan bertemu jodoh di dunia yang lagi satu sekiranya kita tak bertemu jodoh di dunia ini), saya tak pernah terfikir samada saya akan bahagia bertemu jodoh atau murung sampai mati. never have i thought about marriage. yang saya tahu, saya cukup dengan hidup saya, tiada boyfriend apatah lagi potential husband.
saya tidak merungut tentang hidup single; saya perlukan untuk hidup single, enjoying life dengan my sisters and friends. saya rasa itu adalah perkara terbaik, membuatkan saya lebih matang.
seriously, those breakups are the best thing that could ever happen in my life.
saya sedar, segala kesedihan, segala jalan cerita saya sebelum ini, hanyalah supaya saya bersedia untuk menjalinkan hubungan dengan en nasir. i would be a great stupid bad-tempered person kalau saya tak menempuh segala suka duka itu.
alhamdulillah, saya harap saya mati bahagia dengan en nasir. with our future children.
insyallah.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
that selfish bastard
that selfish bastard. i could kill him.
but not you brad. you are one basterd i would like to have.
but not you brad. you are one basterd i would like to have.
things we let go after getting married
walaupun ada sesetengah orang cakap, and i quote, 'tak semestinya dah kahwin kita kena berkorban' or 'married life is as interesting as single life' or 'tak salah kita berkorban demi keluarga'.
and i would say, good for you guys who feel that way.
the truth to the matter is, MOSTLY dari kita yang sudah berkahwin, akan setuju, life is not that great the way we imagine it before we get married.
now, i am talking as a wife, not as the husband. sila jangan get offensive.
1. freedom. not just any freedom. freedom to do whatever we want, when we want it, where we want it. now, please, do. not. get. me. wrong. i love the unfreedom times here and there, tapi, kalau bangun pagi untuk makan pagi bersama, at 7 am, on WEEKENDS, now that is just plain annoying. darlings, weekend is the day to unwind, not have anything to conform to, to just relax. silalah faham. u may have all the energy in the world, selepas bekerja 5 hari seminggu dan masih lagi mempunyai semangat untuk bangun pagi untuk makan pagi, alhamdulillah. good for you. but not me. i am not full of energy. again. sila. faham.
2. money. not just any money. the money that i work hard for, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. yes, now i am married, it is a noble thing kalau kita tolong husband kita dari segi kewangan. tapi, girls this century, we have to be smart and clever. kita kena ada simpanan, for those hopefully-never dark days. contoh hari-hari gelap yang boleh berlaku: perceraian, kematian suami, bencana alam, krisis keluarga, etc. orang melayu cakap, menabung untuk hari kecemasan. orang putih cakap, for rainy days. saya cakap, untuk hari celake. and, kita nak juga merasa beli benda2 indulgence, contoh: handbag, kasut, baju, seluar, perfume, etc. mungkin kita selalu dengar orang cakap, 'jangan membazir'. i would say to them, fuck off. i bust my ass everyday, working, kau boleh cakap 'jangan membazir'. kau ingat aku ni hamba ke? i. hope. u. die.
3. perhatian. not just any perhatian. perhatian dari seorang lelaki. now, i am not complaining. en nasir is doing his best in making me feel loved. duh, he even bought me roti gula keras 5 bungkus. (thank u so much for that). tapi, that is not enough. buying things is not enough. kelakuan kena selari dengan percakapan. walk the talk. talk the walk. kalau kita selalu dengar, 'i love you' tapi kita tahu dia dok melayan perempuan lain, those beautiful 3 words do not mean a thing. kalau dia selalu bagi kita roses, tapi tak pernah ucapkan dia sayang kita, macam mana kita tahu dia sayang kita? so, walk and talk kena selari. dua2 kena ada. kena ucap, kena buat. nak mintak kat lelaki lain, itu sudah nusyuz.
4. fun. not just any fun. the kind of fun that we both love. tapi, seriously, kalau kita dah kurang gelak, wtf? lepas kahwin kena kurang gelak ke? kena jadi serious ke? if that's the case, then i think marriage is the best thing to get kalau nak mati cepat. mati kebosanan. i envy those married couples who laugh all the time and talk all the time with each other as if they have no problems in their mind. dulu, saya dengan en nasir selalu nyanyi sama, tengok tivi sama, pergi jalan sama, shopping sama. but now, he seems to be tired ALL the time. weekend pon penat, weekdays lagilah penat. so, no more fun for us.
these are four things that i think i have let go after geting married.
i know it seems like i am complaining all the way, tapi, sila faham bahawa kesabaran saya sudah 90% habis, and i think COMPLAINING is the way to get it out off my chest. kalau pendam, konon bersabar, saya takut one day i will explode. so, let me put it all here before i do some more damage to the marriage, which i think is on the verge of dying.
please. do not judge me.
and i would say, good for you guys who feel that way.
the truth to the matter is, MOSTLY dari kita yang sudah berkahwin, akan setuju, life is not that great the way we imagine it before we get married.
now, i am talking as a wife, not as the husband. sila jangan get offensive.
1. freedom. not just any freedom. freedom to do whatever we want, when we want it, where we want it. now, please, do. not. get. me. wrong. i love the unfreedom times here and there, tapi, kalau bangun pagi untuk makan pagi bersama, at 7 am, on WEEKENDS, now that is just plain annoying. darlings, weekend is the day to unwind, not have anything to conform to, to just relax. silalah faham. u may have all the energy in the world, selepas bekerja 5 hari seminggu dan masih lagi mempunyai semangat untuk bangun pagi untuk makan pagi, alhamdulillah. good for you. but not me. i am not full of energy. again. sila. faham.
2. money. not just any money. the money that i work hard for, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. yes, now i am married, it is a noble thing kalau kita tolong husband kita dari segi kewangan. tapi, girls this century, we have to be smart and clever. kita kena ada simpanan, for those hopefully-never dark days. contoh hari-hari gelap yang boleh berlaku: perceraian, kematian suami, bencana alam, krisis keluarga, etc. orang melayu cakap, menabung untuk hari kecemasan. orang putih cakap, for rainy days. saya cakap, untuk hari celake. and, kita nak juga merasa beli benda2 indulgence, contoh: handbag, kasut, baju, seluar, perfume, etc. mungkin kita selalu dengar orang cakap, 'jangan membazir'. i would say to them, fuck off. i bust my ass everyday, working, kau boleh cakap 'jangan membazir'. kau ingat aku ni hamba ke? i. hope. u. die.
3. perhatian. not just any perhatian. perhatian dari seorang lelaki. now, i am not complaining. en nasir is doing his best in making me feel loved. duh, he even bought me roti gula keras 5 bungkus. (thank u so much for that). tapi, that is not enough. buying things is not enough. kelakuan kena selari dengan percakapan. walk the talk. talk the walk. kalau kita selalu dengar, 'i love you' tapi kita tahu dia dok melayan perempuan lain, those beautiful 3 words do not mean a thing. kalau dia selalu bagi kita roses, tapi tak pernah ucapkan dia sayang kita, macam mana kita tahu dia sayang kita? so, walk and talk kena selari. dua2 kena ada. kena ucap, kena buat. nak mintak kat lelaki lain, itu sudah nusyuz.
4. fun. not just any fun. the kind of fun that we both love. tapi, seriously, kalau kita dah kurang gelak, wtf? lepas kahwin kena kurang gelak ke? kena jadi serious ke? if that's the case, then i think marriage is the best thing to get kalau nak mati cepat. mati kebosanan. i envy those married couples who laugh all the time and talk all the time with each other as if they have no problems in their mind. dulu, saya dengan en nasir selalu nyanyi sama, tengok tivi sama, pergi jalan sama, shopping sama. but now, he seems to be tired ALL the time. weekend pon penat, weekdays lagilah penat. so, no more fun for us.
these are four things that i think i have let go after geting married.
i know it seems like i am complaining all the way, tapi, sila faham bahawa kesabaran saya sudah 90% habis, and i think COMPLAINING is the way to get it out off my chest. kalau pendam, konon bersabar, saya takut one day i will explode. so, let me put it all here before i do some more damage to the marriage, which i think is on the verge of dying.
please. do not judge me.
Friday, December 10, 2010
bookstock
jumaat lepas, saya mengajak en nasir untuk ke silverfish di bangsar. i thought it would be great to go there as i have never been there before. sebelum ini, saya hanya mendengar/membaca tentang kedai buku ini. daripada apa yang saya dengar/baca, ianya adalah haven for booklover. saya juga mengajak fifi dan ain, as ain pon boleh dikategorikan sebagai booklover. it was a booklover's night out, hehe.
anyway, we found it to be closed that night. tak taulah kalau awal muharam depa cuti ke, atau depa memang tutup awal. how dissapointing! and then, yesterday, en nasir tunjuk saya poster di atas dalam ipod dia.
wow! a bookstock! we have to go! - notice all those exclamation marks. mind you that i acted really unexcitedly about this event depan en nasir. buat-buat tak berminat. yang bestnya, ada silverfish. not only that, ada banyak lagi publisher, bookstores yang best-best. we definitely have to go, right.
anyhow, kalau nak tahu lebih lanjut, klik Bookstock.
angan
I miss being in love.
I miss the whole feeling of talking in the phone at night, sampai tertido. Planning to go on a date, nak bersiap, making sure that I look pretty. I miss the feeling of insecurities, wondering if I am nice enough for him. Saya rindu nak merindu. I miss wondering if the relation would ever go sour.
Saya rindu.
Nak jatuh cinta.
Nak rasa macam orang muda bercinta.
I miss being in love.
I miss the whole feeling of talking in the phone at night, sampai tertido. Planning to go on a date, nak bersiap, making sure that I look pretty. I miss the feeling of insecurities, wondering if I am nice enough for him. Saya rindu nak merindu. I miss wondering if the relation would ever go sour.
Saya rindu.
Nak jatuh cinta.
Nak rasa macam orang muda bercinta.
I miss being in love.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
boring
I am bored to death. Seriously. Kebosanan yang boleh membawa mati. Never have I felt this bored in my life. I think dengar ceramah time sekolah dulu lagi seronok.
Now I understand people who do crazy things. They are just bored.
Now I understand people who do crazy things. They are just bored.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
fantasies
I am married, I know.
But is it wrong to have fantasies about other man? I know that men who are married do have fantasies about other women. They even go beyond the boundary and act out their dirty fantasies with the other women. Not that I care about their stupid choices anyway, and this entry has got nothing to do with men and their fantasies or women who are now equal as men, in so many level. This entry is about married women having fantasies about other men, for example, brad pitt, or closer-to-home pipiyapong. Or men, in general.
Is it ok, just to have the fantasies, without taking any steps in making the fantasies realities?
This is not specifically sexual fantasies. It is fantasies in general. Maybe drinking coffee, watching movies, riding bikes.
Mungkin ini akibat susah nak tido malam.
But is it wrong to have fantasies about other man? I know that men who are married do have fantasies about other women. They even go beyond the boundary and act out their dirty fantasies with the other women. Not that I care about their stupid choices anyway, and this entry has got nothing to do with men and their fantasies or women who are now equal as men, in so many level. This entry is about married women having fantasies about other men, for example, brad pitt, or closer-to-home pipiyapong. Or men, in general.
Is it ok, just to have the fantasies, without taking any steps in making the fantasies realities?
This is not specifically sexual fantasies. It is fantasies in general. Maybe drinking coffee, watching movies, riding bikes.
Mungkin ini akibat susah nak tido malam.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
hidup sekarang
aktiviti semasa pantang:
1. masak sayur sawi, sedap wo.
2. keluar malam2, jalan2 dengan en nasir, dengan dimarahi mama.
3. tengok aktiviti kucing.
4. mimpi pelik2, menyampah plak.
5. rindu dengan en nasir bile en nasir pergi kerja.
6. menangis ingat perkara2 yang terjadi.
7. pergi kubur.
1. masak sayur sawi, sedap wo.
2. keluar malam2, jalan2 dengan en nasir, dengan dimarahi mama.
3. tengok aktiviti kucing.
4. mimpi pelik2, menyampah plak.
5. rindu dengan en nasir bile en nasir pergi kerja.
6. menangis ingat perkara2 yang terjadi.
7. pergi kubur.
Friday, December 3, 2010
film-perfect
saya tak sempurna.
i am definitely far from perfect, but i would love to think that those around me are perfect, even if thay have their own flaws.
so, when they act out their imperfections, it really ticks me off.
i know it is a bit selfish, but i would really love it and appreciate it if you can fake it a little, only in front of me, to be perfect. and by perfect, i mean perfections according to me, of course.
i am definitely far from perfect, but i would love to think that those around me are perfect, even if thay have their own flaws.
so, when they act out their imperfections, it really ticks me off.
i know it is a bit selfish, but i would really love it and appreciate it if you can fake it a little, only in front of me, to be perfect. and by perfect, i mean perfections according to me, of course.
two super-perfect people
can we ever be perfect like them? or do we first have to jump in a sea of imperfection and swim around for quite some time?
numb
Tiap-tiap malam, saya jadi emosional. Fikir perkara2 yang menyedihkan. Satu perkara in particular. The lost of my baby boy.
Entah kenapa, bila teringat dia, I became extremely sad, to the point of killing myself. Feeling worthless to keep living. As if there is no good reason for me to move on. No reason for being optimistic.
Walaupun ada beberapa perkara yang indah2 dlm hidup saya ( en nasir, buku2, lagu2, cerita di astro), saya masih berasa kosong. Jiwa saya kosong. Hati saya kosong. Fikiran saya kosong. Tiada perkara, pada ketika ini yang dapat menceriakan hidup saya.
I feel the need to torture myself, by slapping myself in the cheek, and then kicking myself. Kemudian, pukul kepala saya beberapa kali sebelum meneruskan penderaan dengan menembak diri sendiri.
Saya perlu untuk merasa segala seksaan, sebelum saya dapat maafkan diri saya sendiri.
Life is too complicated for me right now. I just need to feel tortured to ever feel again.
Entah kenapa, bila teringat dia, I became extremely sad, to the point of killing myself. Feeling worthless to keep living. As if there is no good reason for me to move on. No reason for being optimistic.
Walaupun ada beberapa perkara yang indah2 dlm hidup saya ( en nasir, buku2, lagu2, cerita di astro), saya masih berasa kosong. Jiwa saya kosong. Hati saya kosong. Fikiran saya kosong. Tiada perkara, pada ketika ini yang dapat menceriakan hidup saya.
I feel the need to torture myself, by slapping myself in the cheek, and then kicking myself. Kemudian, pukul kepala saya beberapa kali sebelum meneruskan penderaan dengan menembak diri sendiri.
Saya perlu untuk merasa segala seksaan, sebelum saya dapat maafkan diri saya sendiri.
Life is too complicated for me right now. I just need to feel tortured to ever feel again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)